It's Official...I'm Bulimic

SO as most of you who read this know, I am a busy person. Today I started out with a Starbucks Sugar-free, fat-free gingerbred latte. It was great. I did not eat anything until I was leaving school and I stopped at Chick Fil-A to get some chicken strips. Two bites in and they were stuck. So as I was driving, I was vomiting in both my former Starbucks cup and then my Chik Fil-A bag. I can not eat protein, it is not staying down. Tonight my husband brought me nachos....no fear, I only eat the toppings when I can, but I could not even stomach but a couple of pieces of chicken. Tommorow I will start back on my protein shakes and one meal a day. After all, I have perfected vomiting. Lean over, open my mouth and out it comes. Their is no strain, no sacrifice. Not like regular vomiting before my band, Just lean over and vomit. Still, my weight does not budge. So I will let you all try and figure that one out...Until next time. Vomiting while driving. Beautiful combo...

Finally....A Update on my Blog

Sorry it has taken me so long to update this blog. My computer was in the shop for close to a month, and when I finally got it back, about a week ago I sat down to finally update and got a call with some very upsetting news. This was not as important, so I just now am having a chance to sit down and tell what has been going on in my life. Let's see where to start. I went back on 10/24/07 for my second fill I am now up to 6.2 cc. When I went back for that, I had gained three pounds, but I had on jeans and a sweater, not to mention I had been on bedrest related to female problems. I ended up having surgery for those problems on 11/5/07. Since that time, I have not been back for another appointment, but I have lost another pants size. During all of this, my husband had a car wreck and I went back to the job that I had before I got the job at the hospital close to home. I had orientation and so on and so forth. Being on bedrest has not allowed me to exercise, and with the last fill, I have now perfected the vomiting. Not pb-ing but all out vomiting bringing up the food that I just ate. It seems to me that unless I stay on foods that are soft in texture, I am unable to keep anything down. In fact, it all gets stuck all the time. They want you to be pn proteins but the only protein I can eat is bacon. No lunch meats no regular meats, they all get stuck. My husband is wanting me to have my saline decreased, but then the weight loss, what little there is ceases. I don't know what I am going to do, but hopefully it will get better soon. Until then, my teeth are decaying from the lack of nutrition and my hair is getting thinner by the minute. Any suggestions would be helpful in this little weight loss game.

Will the stress ever stop??????????

So this week started out real sucky. Let's start with last Friday...My first day back to my job since handing in my resignation on Monday. That is right, I handed it in and took another job working in a Nursing Home. Something I swore I would never do. I after all want to help deliver babies! Never say never, I guess. I just never really wanted my career to head in that direction, but I am sick of the pettiness and backstabbing that goes on at my small hometown hospital. Plus, the pay is 5 more dollars per hour...Who can resist? So I had a pretty good day at work working with two of the nurses that I actually like. I called in on Saturday because I had to take the baby to the doctor for a infected bug bite. I had been up with her the two nights before, so something had to give. Later that day, I developed a migraine and it took imitrex, 800mg of Ibuprofen and a Phenergan to put me down. My husband called in for me on Sunday because I was so sick. I suffer from migraines, but only once a month. Since starting on imitrex, they have decreased and usually don't proceed, but I have been under so much stress lately it was time for one that actually kicked my ass, and it did. At 7:30 in the morning, I got a call from my cousin that her daughter had found her father dead. I was devastated and in a surreal state, but she called me back and I was able to calm her so I went back to sleep until almost 1 o'clock Sunday afternoon. I am sure my body needed this rest but it was also drug-induced from the migraine. So on Monday, I started my new job. It is a 45 minute drive, into Nashville, our big city. I get there and team up with this guy to learn the ropes. We started passing meds to the residents at 7:05 and did not stop until 12:15....NOT A BREAK, A SIP OF WATER, OR ANYTHING!! Now, as a nurse, I am used to running up and down halls, but I am also used to my 15 minute break in the morning and afternoon! So...he finally says I can go to lunch at 12:15 and I honestly thought about not coming back...it was that bad. I made a crappy choice at lunch and stopped at the nearest place, Krystal. I could actually eat them! That is when I realized I could resume eating bread. I ended up going back, but the afternoon was quite the same and I left feeling like I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. I left and stopped at Starbucks and Krispy Kreme on my way home. I ate two doughnuts and a caramel frappucino. I knew I was eating for emotions, but I had no control. I went home and my hubby rubbed my aching legs for two hours. On Tuesday, I felt like I was hung over. My body ached and I had a headache. I skipped my first class and went shopping for shoes to the tune of $138 and insoles and support hose etc. I would not be defeated! In amongst this entire spending spree, I should have been studying for my test in Western Civilization that I failed later that day. I didn't care I just wanted to get home. I had to work again Wednesday and I wanted to be prepared. We went to my friend's daughter's birthday and went bowling and that was a ton of fun that night. Tuesday was a entire day of bad food choices. I had a chik fil a chicken sandwhich and never pb'd once! I also ate pizza at the birthday as well as cake! I needed that fill, after all. Bread was beginning to be entirely too easy. I got up Wednesday and gave it my best shot. I went in and had my protein shake on the way in,and then carried my bottle of protein water to hand out my meds. It was still awful, but we were through passing them at 10:15. We actually had a morning break where I ate string cheese for a snack. At lunch I had my healthy choice meal. The afternoon sucked, but my back did not hurt as bad. My legs, still hurt even with the new shoes, insoles and support hose. They throbbed all the way home. My husband bought mexican, but I ate mainly the chicken and very few chips. I was still full from the protein. He rubbed my legs again for two hours, this time with lotion. I still woke up this morning feeling like I had a hang over and went to school feeling shitty. I made it through my classes eating all protein today and when I got home, I called a family meeting to discuss my current stress level. I started a new system on advice from my girlfriend, on how to get the kids to do more around the house because at this point in my life, I feel like I am losing control. The kids now have to pull a card if I have any trouble from them doing what they are told from now on. So far tonight, it has worked. Their rooms are spotless and they are in bed. I am going to talk to my husband when I get done with this blog, and explain to him what I need from him too, after I watch Gray's Anatomy. Tommorow is my last day at the hospital and I am hoping I can make healthy choices as well. And as for the baby's mama. Well she got 11/29 in the pen but then got a suspended sentence. She is out walking freely on probation. She already has a new myspace and I am sure at this moment, trying to find my profile. I switched my name that you search me under. It is only a matter of time until her threats will start up again. Last I heard, she was going to take classes and get the baby back...We'll see....Until next time, so stressed my hair is coming out....K

SO much stress...so little time....

Well, it has been two months today since my gastric banding. I went to the doctor today and was at 270. Only three pounds down from last time, but my fat mass has decreased by 9%. The nurse talked to me about my p-bing episodes and we decided not to fill this time. She stated that she no longer wants me drinking with my meal but right before it because the p-bing is actually caused by a mucous plug and not by the food getting "Stuck" drinking the water before my meal will actually clear that out. She doesn't want me to drink with my meal, and I have to wait until an hour afterward. Surprisingly enough, she stated I was right where I needed to be. I was kind of glad to hear, I confessed to the nurse that I had been to Olive Garden after a extremely stressful day at work on Friday. She stated no more Olive Garden for me. I am headed in to resign after I finish this blog. I have had a extreme amount of stress there lately and cannot take it anymore. I took a position this morning with a place that is farther out (45 minute drive) but $5 more per hour. I have to take whatever I can find now so that I can get through school. I am hoping and wishing for that acceptance letter any time now. Baby mama has been put in jail, but still remains calling and threatening that she will take the baby as soon as she gets out. I was sick over that last week and then decided to place that in God's hands. Since I have done that, things are beginning to fall into place..."Yes, Lord, I do listen" The yard sale is over, and we did great. I had a mouse problem in the garage and that had me so stressed out I couldn't think. But now it is clean, all of our stuff is gone, and the reality of having a room built on is getting closer to being here. I am slacking in school, but I have been too stressed to even get that ball rolling...I am hoping that the job change will be positive and will help me to see some light at the end of my tunnel. Until then, I will be keeping the ticker on my page at 267 because I know that Japanese flag day has something to do with the fluctuation. Until next time....Love, Peace and NO MORE GREASE...

Top 10 Reasons why Keyana Doesn't update her blog...

Well, I got home from work tonight and read all of the comments surrounding the blog about possibly downsizing the ring. I could not find the blog itself, so I thought I would give everyone on here the 10 top reasons why I don't update my blog enough and then you all can decide whether or not I "deserve" to stay on here somewhere. First of all, let me preface this by saying when I joined back in July, I thought this would be a positive way for me to be able to stay in touch with other people's weight loss experience as well as to share mine. Sure, it may take a little longer to get around the ring, but there are still tons of people out there who could benefit from everyone's stories. With that, here are the reasons...
1. I am eblogger illiterate...good at the myspace, bad at the eblogger, every time I try to add a page element, my page gets screwed up, so it may not be flashy, but it is still me.
2. Up until a few weeks ago, I actually received a few motivational comments. I looked forward to these, but haven't received any in a while, I am beginning to wonder if I am still on the ring anyway!
3. I am a private person, hence my myspace being private. I don't think it is necessary to blog all of the drama that is going on with the baby's mama right now, because it has nothing to do with weight loss, I blog here to have a weight loss blog...that's all, nothing else.
4. Because of the above drama, I have been a little preoccupied and have been living in constant fear that she would try and come in on my family and try and steal the baby. It is because of that drama that I have not been able to really focus on weight loss or blogging at this time.
5. I have four kids, two of which are involved in organized sports. I have practice on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, with games all day on Saturday.
6. See above and then remember that I only have a desktop computer.
7. I got to school on Tuesday and Thursday as well, and I made the mistake this semester of scheduling my classes back to back to be home when my children are. No time for blogging!
8. I work Friday, Saturday and Sunday from 7a-7p by the time I get home, I have very little time for this. I barely have time for my family. If by chance, I am on call for the hospital on Saturday, See number 5.
9. I used to blog from work, but this week they came in and removed all of our Internet capabilities so that is no longer a option....DAMN THE MAN!
10. I am also having a yard sale this weekend and I have a LOT of stuff. That is preoccupying any "extra" time that I may have right now.

So there you have it. the top 10 reasons I can not keep up a blog daily. But, I have written 20 since joining at the end of July. Hopefully you sassy ladies can find it in your hearts to keep me on here. On a lighter note, and I am sure a little of it has to do with the stress I have had going on this week, the exercise and the hardly eating at all, but I dropped 7 pounds! I could hardly believe it when I got on the scale and I can't wait to weigh in again next week! Until next time...please keep me as a blogger!

People will say Anything...

Yesterday was eventful. As we stood outside to smoke, a couple of my nursing friends were giving me a "pep" talk. I was explaining to them that I was a little disgusted with my progress and not being able to progress to anything really except soft foods still. We were talking and then they said "Maybe you need to be on some wellbutrin." It really upset me. There are confidants that I trust with everything and I am sorry if this was not all it has cracked up to be. The thing is, I really haven't talked to them but this once about it. Besides my husband and keeping this blog, I keep my adventure to myself. I know their will be tragedies and triumphs, and right now between school, working, four children, (one in cheer leading and one in soccer) and being the team mom, I have been quiet disgusted with not being able to get my exercise in and basically having to live on protein shakes to survive. I would never say to them..."I think you need medication" after one day of bitching. Which brings me to my question...DO people really just say anything anymore? A couple of weeks ago, a couple of friends of mine on two separate occasions (and these friends do not know each other) said in conversation with me, "
Once you get the weight off you will be gorgeous" UMMMMM okay, I never say to them "Hey once you do something with your nappy hair you will be fabulous" or "Once you fix those teeth you will look great" I mean WTF? I didn't let it bother me, but comments like these take you off guard and for a split second, it causes you to question the entire relationship. I mean seriously do they not know I am gorgeous already? How am I even supposed to respond to a comment like that? On a lighter note, last night was my second workout. I got to the gym at 10:15 (My hubby didn't got home from work until 9:30) there were only two people there and I enjoyed that. I did 15 minutes on weights concentrating mainly on my fat upper arms. This is one area that I have got to get toned up. I spent 25 minutes on the treadmill and only 4 minutes on the elliptical. I then worked on my abs some, but because my husband had built muscle behind his port, and almost pushed it through the skin, I took it easy with that. I finished up and felt great. When I got home, Andy gave me a Swedish body massage....so no soreness this morning. It was Fantastic! It takes three weeks to develop a new habit, so I am going to the gym for the next three weeks solid, hoping that I will in some way become like Dagny and have a new fetish with it. Until next time...Choose your words carefully...you can impact some one's life.

A little rant....

My past week has been full of pb-ing episode after episode. I am starting to get very discouraged as far as this whole experience goes. Last Sunday, I got called off from work. We decided that we would spend the day together and took the kids to O'Charley's. Because I can not stomach salad, I decided to order a sandwich. I took one bite and spent the next thirty minutes pb-ing in the bathroom. I am not sure what to even think of the "pb-ing" As a nurse, I am quite complexed as to how the food doesn't come back but the slime does? It confuses the heck out of me. Needless to say, I came back and didn't eat anything else except the meat off of my sandwich. I can not figure out what I am doing wrong. So far, I can not eat anything of any substance without being terribly uncomfortable. I have pb-ed at least three other times this week, but have not had anything come back up. And the sensation you get when something gets stuck...cold, clammy, like you are fixing to pass out. I can't stand it. I have eaten a lot of cheese sticks, it is about the only thing that will stay with me. I am talking about the string cheese that you get at the store. I am hoping it is a good source of protein. Last night, I finally broke the seal and went and worked out. Before I did so, I got on the scale and there it was again. NO WEIGHT LOSS. And I haven't even been eating! I am finding myself real close to saying the hell with it and having the band removed. To me it has been both a physical torture as well as a emotional torture to not be able to eat what I want to eat when I want to eat it. I know I didn't get this way overnight, but I am damn tired of not seeing the scale move...Maybe the exercise will make a difference....Until next time, still asking myself WHY?